I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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