I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
