i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
