pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
