maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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