is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
