before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
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