You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
