i was born a porn star she said
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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