adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.