very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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