i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is