Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
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We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.