Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
