I look better un-naked...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
