I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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