I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
