I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize