Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
