Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
and you fell through a lawn chair
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
