Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
