Buhtt sex?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
