In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
