What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
