I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
