I would go down on you faster than GM stock
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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