I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It's rum buckets o'clock
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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