I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
