The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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