i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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