I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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