Umm I'm too high to move.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
