So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
