so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize