Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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