i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
