you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize