The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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