I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
