I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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