During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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