cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
