party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
