He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
