I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she woke up with a sticky ear
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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