i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We have started to decorate penises.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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