So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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