My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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