I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
