I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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