Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Randomize
