somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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