8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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