Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
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