How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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