I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
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Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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