I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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