I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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