Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
