Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
