She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
