She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
