whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
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I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
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Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
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