I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
