How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
