so that wasnt chicken after all
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
