Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
