Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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