Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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