Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
