first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
