is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
