shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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