while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
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