3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
