You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
