i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
