You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
