If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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