flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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