i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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