we're blogging at a bar
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
